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Transcript:Gravitina
Opening Sequence NARRATOR: Calling Buzz Lightyear, the galaxy's greatest hero! Skilled, courageous, and ever-vigilant, leaping into action, Buzz Lightyear hurtles to the rescue! His on-going vision: to protect the universe from the dark forces of evil! These are the adventures of... Buzz Lightyear of Star Command! BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: To infinity... and beyond! Act One :Several spaceships land at a space station while a female voice is heard in the background and the camera zooms in on a sign reading Cosmo's Cosmic Diner. SALLY: Okay, that was five cosmo shakes, two protein pot pies, a Delrubian tri-tip club with bacon and cheese... :The camera zooms in at a table where a multi-limbed waitress is serving on Team Lightyear. SALLY: ...one satellite sandwich, turbo-sized... :She places a tall, towering sandwich before Booster. Buzz and Mira gasp. BOOSTER: I'm... dieting. :He stuffs the entire sandwich in his mouth while Sally leaves a salad in front of Mira. SALLY: One synth-salad plate... :She leaves a burger in front of Buzz with a small giggle. SALLY: And one buzz burger special... Ooh! Almost forgot! :Sally leaves and Booster begins to feast, masticating and making sounds of contentment loudly. After downing a large sandwich and a milkshake, he belches loudly. BOOSTER: Um, you gonna eat those? :Buzz and Mira simply stare at him with wide eyes. Sally returns with an oil drink for XR. SALLY: One quart of Ruby's premium grade rustolia. :XR finds the opportunity to hit on Sally, extending his legs to reach her height and pretending he is wearing sunglasses over his optics. XR: Ohwhoawhoah, let me adjust my ocular receptors! A smile like yours, sweetheart, could melt my diodes—! :Sally just pushes him back down to his normal height with a smirk while Buzz and Mira exchange looks. Mira is smirking and Buzz looks puzzled. XR: You're new around here, if I may— SALLY: Sorry! I don't date robots. XR: Then I guess here's something in common. Neither do I! Hahahaha! :He retracts the sunglasses and starts enjoying his drink. SALLY: My name's Sally. :She extends a hand towards Buzz. He gets to his feet and shakes it. BUZZ: Buzz Lightmeet. Nice to year you. rubs the back of his head sheepishly I, uh... I, uh... SALLY: Yes? :An alarm suddenly blares from Buzz's wrist communicator. He checks it quickly. BUZZ: Red alert at Star Command! Let's roll, Rangers! :He runs off, XR and Booster following behind. MIRA: Y-w—h-he'll be back! :Mira runs after the others. Sally sighs. SALLY: I hope so. :Booster returns for a moment, grabbing the table and letting all the remaining food fall into his mouth as Sally stares. Booster gives her a small wave goodbye before leaving. :The scene cuts to an asteroid heading towards Star Command. CORPORAL: Commander Nebula! Should we prepare for evacuation? NEBULA: What, for a chunk of rock? Lightyear can handle this one in hypersleep. LGMs: Ooooh, Buzz! --- BUZZ: Okay, big fella. Let's get busy. Rangers! Let's show 'em how it's done. MIRA: Explosives activated! Explosives in place! Explosives d--uh, e-exploded. BOOSTER: This one's going out of the park! XR: As the massive harbinger of death tumbles towards Star Command...A lone robot--that's me, hehehe--stands between the station and oblivion! Precision is everything. He waits for the right shot. Closer... closer...! Okay, this is probably close enough. BUZZ: Good work, XR. You've got that asteroid chunk right where you want it. XR: You're talking this chunk here? Really? BUZZ: Activate your recoil plunger. XR: My recoil plunger--oh, oh, right, right! My recoil plunger! Like so! Ahhhhh! BUZZ: Now, lock in your target and... XR: Say no more, boss! Blast it to quantum heaven! Yeehaaaah! --- RANGERS: Cheering. NEBULA: All right! Show's over! Back to work! Yes! Ehem, hem, as you all were. MIRA: I dunno, call me crazy... but I think it's pretty obvious that she liked you. BUZZ: I'm sure she was just doing her job. You know, friendliness is key in the service industry. MIRA: Oh, please! She was totally--! NEBULA SCREEN: First-rate job, Lightyear. BUZZ: We were just doing our job. Eh, you know, saving lives is key in the service of Star Command. NEBULA SCREEN: Well in--that's, uh--congratulations, there. Nebula out. XR: All right, high five me, Boost--ack! BOOSTER: Oh-oh-oh! Another asteroid visible on the scanner! MIRA: Okay, I've computed its trajectory... and it won't come close to Star Command. Oh, boy. Uh, ch-check that! Buzz, it's headed right for them! BUZZ: Then so are we! BOOSTER: Star Command's deflector shield doesn't stand a chance! That thing's humongous! BUZZ: Just makes it a bigger target. XR, ready missile launchers! XR: Missiles hot and juiced to jet! Hahaha! MIRA: What does that even mean? BUZZ: It means we're about to kick some asteroid. Good job, Rangers. Let's swing around and mop up that debris field. BOOSTER: Gasps. It's still there! BUZZ: What?! MIRA: I can't believe it. It must be solid nickel iron. We don't have a bomb big enough to blast it! BUZZ: I think we do. XR: You know, I'm the one that has to talk to the ship and turning one of her engines into a bomb is going to seriously damage our relationship. And I--you know, she and I are very close. Whoahahahah! --- BOOSTER: Just focus, XR. We don't want this thing blowing up too soon. XR: Oh, being blown up is overrated. I've been blown up hundreds of times. You just learn to keep an eye on where your important body parts land. BOOSTER: Yeah, well, I'm kind of attatched to all my body parts! BUZZ: Heads up, XR! Get a grip and latch on as I come by. XR: Uh, are you sure? I mean, my cables are only so long you're gonna have to come pretty--ahhh! Close! Ahhhhhh! --- CORPORAL: Ten seconds to asteroid impact! NEBULA: Did I ask for a countdown? --- BUZZ: Disengage! How long till overload? XR: Well, by my calculations, we have--oh, craters. --- RANGERS: Cheering. NEBULA: What about the shuttle? --- BOOSTER: I don't see them, Mira. MIRA: Yeah! BOOSTER: Hot rockets! They're okay! --- BUZZ: Guess you need to recalibrate your calculator. XR: Yes. But first, I have to recalculate my calibrator. --- BUZZ SCREEN: Buzz Lightyear, heading back to Star Cruiser. GRAVITINA: Hmmm, very sassy, Mr. Lightyear. But now I am wondering how good you really are. --- MIRA: Wh-whoah! What was that?! BOOSTER: Is it just me, or does it look like those asteroid chunks have...turned towards Star Command?! --- NEBULA: Bring the laser batteries online! Pulse cannon, fire at win! Take 'em out! LGMs: This can help. A repulsar field activator! Prototype. --- BUZZ: Nice trick. I smell the work of our little green friends. NEBULA SCREEN: I swear, they keep secrets from me just to watch me squirm! But this repulsar gizmo can't protect us forever. If we lower it for even a minute, we'll be crushed! Son, it's up to you and your team to handle this one. BUZZ: We've already picked up traces of the energy controlling those asteroids. We'll cut it off at its source. You can count on us, sir. Mira, you and Booster stay back with Star Command. If that repulsar field fails they'll be smashed and mashed until it's just a little piece of worthless pulp! NEBULA SCREEN: Oh, you're a real breath of fresh air, aren't ya, Buzz?! You wanna tell me something I don't know?! BUZZ: Ah! Sorry, sir! Mira, while we're gone... See if you can buy them some time. Uh... Lightyear out. MIRA: Right! Buy them some time...Uh... easy enough! --- BUZZ: Buckle up, XR, we're headed out. To infinity... and beyond! --- BUZZ: What've you got? XR: A terrific headache. Also, a reading. The energy is coming from a complex on the far side of that lake. Here's the thing. Buzz, not that I would ever question your navigational skills--I mean, heh--you're Buzz, haha! But maybe you could, uh... slow down. BUZZ: Slow down? XR: Yeah! You know, brake, decelerate, whatever. Don't-go-so-fast. Avoid... crashing! BUZZ: This isn't crashing. This is surprising! XR: Ahhhh! Okay, hey, I'm surprised! BUZZ: This is Buzz Lightyear of Star Command! By the authority of the Galactic Alliance all evil entities will now surrender to me. GRAVITINA: Come closer! BUZZ and XR: Whoah! GRAVITINA: Now you will surrender to me. BUZZ: Hurghhh! XR: Ahhh! GRAVITINA: I am Gravitina. The Mistress of Mass and all of its attraction. And... I have a crush on you. BUZZ: Can't move! Gravity... crushing us! Hurgh! Huugh! GRAVITINA: Not gra-vi-ty! Gra-vi-ti-na! Ugh! Why must the cute ones be such himbles? It is my power that threatens your Star Command. BUZZ: Your power? GRAVITINA: My gravatomic abilities. XR: Oh, yeah, of course! Gravatomic abili--ugh! GRAVITINA: They let me re-orient gravity fields, causing the target to fall up. XR: Whoah! GRAVITINA: Sideways. XR: Whoaaaaaah! GRAVITINA: And the ever-popular, if mundane, down. XR: Ahh! Thank you... GRAVITINA: It's simply mind-over-matter. Incredible, no? BUZZ: No! What I find incredible is that you insist on using these powers for evil. GRAVITINA: And for profit! An anonymous benefactor is paying me quite handsomely to destroy Star Command. BUZZ: Zurg! GRAVITINA: You didn't hear it from me! BUZZ: XR! Gun! Right... that gravity thing. You are showing me a certain spunkiness that I am finding most attractive. Perhaps when I have more time-- XR: Enough, Gravitina! Surrender! Or feel the agony of the Gorbik Death Grip! BUZZ: Gorbik Death Grip? XR: Don't try to stop me, Captain! I know it's against regulations, I know it'll cost me my career. But this woman must be stopped! So, villain? What's your answer?! --- XR: Ahhhhhhh! Blaaaaah! Who uses dungeons anymore? All the mad despots I know turned them into wine cellars and media rooms. BUZZ: No one has mental powers strong enough to move an asteroid. XR: But she does have an incredibly large-- BUZZ: Something must be boosting her powers. Now if you could plug into the central system, you could trace any energy surge. XR: Yes, and if we lived here, we'd be home by now. BUZZ: We need some sort of distraction. Seribian nerve gas! and wheezes. Oh, that she-devil must have been spying on us! XR: Actually, it's chro-mist 7. "A masculine, yet alluring scent, that releases the ID in all of us!" BUZZ: That's not helping. XR: Well, it's just a start. Now take off your pants. BUZZ: What?! XR: Easy! You can't pitch woo in uniform! BUZZ: Pitch woo? XR: Where are you from, Jupiter? Do I have to chart you a star map? All you have to do is pretend you're crazy about her! BUZZ: Pretend?! No, I'd never do that. That'd be dishonest. XR: It would give me the time to find whatever's increasing her power! --- NEBULA SCREEN: Any reports from Lightyear? MIRA: Not yet, Commander, I-I'm--I'm sure we'll hear soon. NEBULA SCREEN: How soon?! MIRA: Uh, p-pretty soon! I mean, I mean, s-soon-soon! Well, I mean, I would say s--uh, sooner than--than later, maybe? --- NEBULA: Look! This repulsar field won't hold forever! One glitch and a billion UMMUs of space rock will smash Star Command to junk! BOOSTER: Mira has an idea--uh, sir! MIRA: Booster! BOOSTER: Sorry! NEBULA SCREEN: Would this be one of those ideas you could perform soon-soon or just soon?! MIRA: I could do it soon-soon, sir. The sphere of asteroids has a certain amount of structure. If we can stick them together-- BOOSTER: Like a big ball of caramel corn, mmmm! MIRA: Yes, like a caramel corn--what?! No! What we can do is we can laser-weld the asteroids into a shell that will hold without the repulsar field. NEBULA: Giving us a chance to evacuate. That might work. Make it happen, Ranger. Nebula out. MIRA: Sighs. Caramel corn? --- BUZZ: You sent her a love letter?! XR: You gotta let a lady know you're in play. BUZZ: Yeah, but I should've written it... Well, at least, I should've proof-read it. Whoah! XR: It's showtime! Don't stay out too late, pal! --- GRAVITINA: Buzzles! You are a man filled with "the surprises", no? BUZZ: Yes! That's me... Uh... Mr. Spontaneity! GRAVITINA: I got your little note~ BUZZ: Right... could I see that? I, uh... didn't get a chance to check the spelling--hnnghh! GRAVITINA: Tell me what you feel. BUZZ: I feel, uh... GRAVITINA: Yes? BUZZ: The... deepest admiration for you. GRAVITINA: Admiration?! BUZZ: The deepest! And respect! Well, it can't be easy for you, a... single tyrant working hard to extend your oppressive sphere of influence into inter-planetary space and...At the end of the day, do you really get to enjoy it? No! GRAVITINA: Gasps. BUZZ: You have to rule your own planet! That, my friend, is a full plate. To say nothing of crushing any rebellious factions underfoot. GRAVITINA: I am appreciating your "admiration"...but what I am wanting is something with more feeling. Something to make me feel warm inside. Something like... BUZZ: Clams! Hey! Bathyosian ruby clams, these are a real treat! Mmm! These are good! You should really try these before they get cool. GRAVITINA: It is not only clams which are doing the cooling. --- XR: I write a romantic love letter and he follows up with clams?! I throw up my hands! Okay, where do I plug in here...? Gasps. PET: sounds. XR: Oh, what a fun little pup. Hiya, boy. Hey... who's a puppy, who's a puppy? Heheh. Whoa, hey! A-All right, stop that, stop that! Hey, let go--gimme that, you know, okay, let--gimme that, hey! Whoah! Ow! Stop! Let go! Hey! Hey! Hey! --- MIRA: Soon-soon... what, who says that? BOOSTER: Mira. I finished welding around the escape hole. MIRA: What? Oh! Right, right, right. Sighs. I hope this works. Commander Nebula, mission accomplished! But I gotta be honest, sir. I don't know how long it will hold. NEBULA (ON COMMUNICATOR): Well then, we'll just have to hustle a little bit, won't we? Nebula out. --- BUZZ: Ugh, oh, hoho! These are good! You want one? GRAVITINA: Buzzles, why do you resist me so?! Is there... another?! BUZZ: Yes, there is. Ah... A lady named Star Command. GRAVITINA: Ah! You feel torn between your loyalty to it... XR: Whoah, ahhhh! GRAVITINA: ...and your boiling desire for the hot-blooded evil dictator that is myself. BUZZ: Uh, yeah, something like that. GRAVITINA: Then I am seeing no problem! Once Star Command is no more, you will be all for me. --- BOOSTER: Mira... Ahhh! MIRA: Booster! Booster, Booster, do you read me? BOOSTER: I'm okay, but the shell isn't! --- NEBULA: Reactivate the repulsar field. LGMs: Trying! Online! Phew... BOOSTER: The repulsar field's back up! MIRA: Yeah, but Buzz better figure out what's causing all this and he better do it soon! And this time I mean now-soon, not soon-soon! --- XR: Ow, stop, let go! Ow, stop, let go! Ow, stop, let go! Hnngh! PET: Growling. XR: I am not a chew toy! Hey, hey, wait a second, here! A cerebral flux generator? Good boy! So this is boosting Gravitina's power! Hmmm... pretty advanced technology. Until, of course, I do this! Nighty-night, pal! Good night, sweet generator, I'm turning off your lights! Let this be a lesson to you, Fido, when you're looking for someone--ahhhh! --- GRAVITINA: Ah, fabulous! Soon Star Command will be dust and you will be mine. Now... kiss me. BUZZ: Hold it! Gravitina... Destroying Star Command won't bring us together! We're too different. I want galactic peace, you want the galaxy in pieces. GRAVITINA: Ugh! You are scorning the advances of Gravitina?! BUZZ: No, no, no! It's just that, uh... We're moving too fast, we're seeing too much of each other. GRAVITINA: But we just met. BUZZ: Right! And I really, really like you... as a person. So stop your attack on Star Command and no matter what happens we can still be friends. GRAVITINA: Friends?! I am offering you paradise in my arms and you only want to be friends?! XR: What're you doing?! BUZZ: Uh... breaking up? XR: Well, stop it! The generator magnifies her moods! Star Command takes a pounding every time you make her mad! BUZZ: Then my mission is clear. XR: Stop! You can't! BUZZ: I have to! Sometimes a Ranger must forget about his own personal safety and act in the interest of the entire galaxy. XR: No, I mean, "Stop, you can't go without this!" Now go rev up her rockets! GRAVITINA: What are you doing? Don't come any closer! Ooh! BUZZ: Kiss me, Gravitina! XR: Gotta love this! GRAVITINA: kissing sounds. XR: Uh-oh! Uh, come on, Fido, time to scamper. RANGERS: Cheering. LGMS: Hooray, Buzz! RANGERS: Good job, Buzz! BOOSTER: Yes! MIRA: All right! GRAVITINA: Whoa! What a kisser... BUZZ: You know, Gravitina, you've got a real good head on your shoulders. XR: Yeah, if you like 'em big! PET: growl. BUZZ: And who knows? In a different time, a different place... --- MIRA: Okay, okay, okay, okay. So let me get this straight. Star Command was saved because of a kiss? LGMs: Ooooh, Buzz! XR: Ohohoho, all right. I think it's important for all of us to pause for a moment and remember that it was all my idea. Okay, I took a shy rookie of romance and turned him into a lip-locking juggernaut and may I just say I can do the same for all of you. BUZZ: Basically, romance is just the ability to be confident and cool. SALLY: Hi, Buzz! What'll it be? BUZZ: I'll have a booger and flies! I mean... burger! And fries. Please. MIRA: Looks like your juggernaut needs a few more lessons! --END-- G